Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash

I close my eyes and I remember
how we once made each other laugh.
I lived for your smile, which signaled
another moment of our life together, forever,
for a while.

Our youthful dreams intertwined
as we practiced being one.

Then she came.
A bundle of unspeakable pride, utter ecstasy,
and daunting obligation.

Trying to be my mother, I watched as you
learned to become your father.
With a baby to raise
we found ourselves drowning
in images from the past.

Her crying was relentless.
I was weary — you, impatient
the two of us struggling, together
yet growing apart and living each day
in our increasingly
separate worlds.

Alone
I whispered.
Alone, you heard nothing.
We stopped breathing
and instead choked
on unspoken words.

Too many unanswered whispers
and I slowly went mad.

Inside my loneliness I felt teardrops
as thick as the milk
feeding our child.

And I heard the echo of my own voice
calling your name
as she slept in my arms.

Where was I?
I can’t remember.
Where were you?
It doesn’t matter anymore.

A time of unbearable sorrow
has already diminished in intensity
as I realize how much
our baby has grown,
how beautiful and strong
she has become.

I look at her face and
see you, her father,
smiling back at me
just like so many years ago.

Originally published on my blog.

Writer and editor. Just here for the happy medium.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store